In recent weeks, I’ve found myself struggling with comments or insinuations that I just can’t seem to shake off. These things that have been said or implied have been in reference to the part of our population that is the most vulnerable right now—our elders. It seems as if some of us might believe that the loss of loved ones who are advanced in years, who are living with one or more illnesses, who have been unable to stay in their own homes, might not matter all that much to our society.
In a nearby facility, where the only parent left in our family resides right now, nearly twenty people have moved on from this realm and many more are still battling the virus our world is trying hard to figure out how to defeat. And each person who has moved on from there was not just an older person in a nursing home; each person there had more titles and served more purposes than I could possibly list. Here are just a few descriptors: the matriarch or patriarch of a family, a living-breathing book of history, a grand encourager/exhorter, a giver of “real” unconditional love, a fountain of true wisdom, an esteemed expert in this thing called “life,” and a dearly beloved child of God; and each and every one of them deserved to spend their final moments, on this side of Heaven, surrounded by people they loved most—the people who most loved them.
No, those lovely men and women who reside elsewhere now were not in a nursing facility because they were no longer loved and wanted and worthy; they were there because, at some point in time, the decision to be in such a facility was deemed necessary. And their lives and their intrinsic worth/value were not diminished one single bit by the season they entered into when a nursing facility became their “home” here. Their quality of life might have changed but that doesn’t mean that it disappeared altogether. And right now, someone is missing hearing their voice, seeing their smile, stroking their hand; and someone is thinking that they might have been willing to do most anything for a little more time with them—for just a few more moments here, even if those moments were painful ones.
While I don’t believe for one second that God is surprised by any of this, I find myself surprised, surprised that people can think the loss is less when it’s our elders; the shortcomings of our humanity continue to undo me and make me wonder why God ever chose to bother with us at all. But he did, because to him we were/are worth it. And I must keep reminding myself of this every time I hear or sense someone ranking tragedies based upon length of lifespan or level of physical and/or mental wellness or even material resources. Only God gets to decide what any of us is worth, and he clearly did decide that and then he laid it out for us to see—God decided that we’re all, whether younger or older or in between, worth dying for. Now, it’s up to us to treat one another as if we do all matter just that much.
“Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone.”
Psalm 71:9
My oldest child’s mother, (my former wife) is among those who did not survive the virus that infected so many at that facility. I fully appreciate your concern and thank you for voicing it. One person wrote, “The virus becomes a reality with it has a face.”
Thank you for reading and for commenting, Stephen. I was so deeply saddened to learn about the death of your family member. And yes, you are correct-the virus does become real in a profound way when it hits “home.”
I love your heart, Angela; and it breaks my old heart when people are taken for granted. We are constantly hearing about all this in numbers and it seems as if some people do not speak of them as human beings – God’s children who suffered these painful deaths and are mourned by their families and friends. I am praying for all in nursing homes and hospitals, away from their family members who love them.
Thank you, Carol, for reading and for commenting! What an honor to hear from you! I’ve always respected you so greatly and have never forgotten the time, short though it was, that I was able to work in the same circles as the likes of you. Yes, the loss and the grief for all of these people is palpable. And I know your prayers are meaningful.