How often have we heard people say that, if you want to know who someone really is, then look at their friends. So, through the following post, I hope to accomplish two things. The first is to introduce you to a friend whom I will probably speak of often as she, in the name of God’s Christ, changed the way I now look at life; the second is to share the “nutshell” version of my God story with you.
My friend’s name is Jane (JR in the memoir I’ve recently published), and we met in chemo. I was dealing with multiple myeloma and Jane with stage 4 ovarian cancer. We were three decades apart in age, yet she quickly became one of the closest friends I ever had. Prior to becoming ill, Jane was a leader in CBS (Community Bible Study), and she quickly pulled me into the group. Halfway through my second year as a “pupil” of CBS, I was asked to share my story with the group during our study of the New Testament book of John; the following post is what I shared with them in January of this year (on my little girl’s 9th birthday).
FYI: Jane “changed her address” (in her words) from earth to Heaven just a couple of days before I spoke to CBS.
Hi. My name is Angela Foss, and I’ve officially been born again, again. You’ll understand exactly what that means in a minute or two. Right now though, I want you all to look back with me just a little.
The year was 2011 and the month was January, almost exactly three years ago. And I found myself sitting in a chemotherapy suite near a lovely woman whom I had not yet met. She was 69 years old and dealing with stage 4 ovarian cancer. I was 39 years old and dealing with a form of blood cancer that typically does not affect you before you’re 69 years old. Pretty close to immediately after we met, this new friend, Jane Ryan is her name, told me that I needed to get involved in CBS. I had no idea what CBS was, and I honestly thought this woman, Jane, was a little mad (as in crazy) to be making future plans for me. Jane always saw me well though, even when I couldn’t find a way to, and I’m here with you today because, well, Jane threatened to kill me by a different means if I didn’t follow through with her CBS lead. And after I found out that she grew up in Brooklyn and Long Island, this southern girl was scared to not do what she told me.:)
And here I am now in front of all of you testifying on the behalf of a God who showed up for me, and for my sister Jane, much like we’ve seen him show up for so many others throughout the gospel of John. Nicodemus comes to my mind right away. You see, Nicodemus and I would have had a lot to talk about. He struggled with the thought of being born again, and I lived through the reality of being born again as defined by medical science–I actually had a bone marrow transplant, which the medical community refers to as being born again. And yes, the doctors all around me used exactly those words. When you’re born again medically, your immune system and your blood formation system that you’re initially born with are gotten rid of–they are killed off using high doses of chemotherapy. And then once you’ve made it through a great deal of suffering, a process that is at times unspeakably difficult, you come out with a whole new system. You even get your childhood vaccinations, your baby shots, all over again. And you get a new birthday too–mine is April 28th of 2011; so if you ever see me acting childish, you’ll know why–I’m not even quite three years old yet.
Yes, I have indeed been born again (again); and in and through this new life that I have so mercifully been given, God has begun to teach me how to hear Him, how to tune out the world and really listen to all He wants us to know about who He really, truly is.
God spoke to me over and over again during my recent sick season; and through it all, I realized a most amazing thing–one that I had known for a really long time but that I had never known on the deep, deep level that I needed to know it. Our great and awesome God, through the cross of his Christ, had already given me a new life, an eternal and unshakeable life. Medical science wasn’t the first to “rebirth” me; God Himself was. God cleaned up the mess that humanity made of this world. Christ suffered the unspeakable down here so that we wouldn’t have to, and our eternal bliss was secured for us. And that’s why, no matter what any of us ever has to face here, in Him we are victors; we always have been and we always will be. Why? Because Heaven has won. God loves us so very, very much that He made sure of that long ago.
Whether we seem to have it all together like Nicodemus or the official whose son was ill or whether we’re an obvious mess like the woman at the well or the invalid by the pool or the adulterous woman or the blind man (and please note that the list of really messed up people is by far the longest), we all need something that only Jesus Christ can offer us. And that’s Love–real Love. We just can’t be too big of a mess for Him, no matter where we’ve been, no matter where we are. He loves us no matter what. Do we love Him that way too? Or is our affection for Him contingent upon our circumstances? Mine certainly was for a very long time; I’d say close to three decades. I’m not proud of that, but I also can’t deny that it’s true. I’ve chosen to walk away from God at different points in my life, most notably when I was in my twenties and my beloved father to whom I was very close shot himself. And I had just really found my way back to God when I was diagnosed with a type of cancer I was, according to science, never even supposed to have. But God was so very good to me when I became ill. He gave me a do-over, a chance to hold on to Him no matter what. Before my sick season, I was that person James (Chapter 1, verse 6) describes in Scripture–I was that wave being tossed all around until I realized that I had had an anchor all along. Jesus was there the whole time; I simply chose to not acknowledge Him.
No, Jesus never forsook me–Jesus gave Himself for me, for us. And He wants us to give ourselves, our whole selves, to Him. We can trust Him with every part of who we are. Love does change everything, and our God is Love–Jesus was and is proof of that; and the gospel of John echoes this love over and over again. And my prayer for all of you, and for myself as well, is that we will choose to remember how deeply, how completely our God always loves us; and because we know how perfectly we’re loved, we’ll choose to hold nothing back from our Christ, from God Himself. And I pray too that we will all continue to always choose Him–no matter what.
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